The Story I Make Up

When Our Brains Become Unreliable Narrators

by Greg Mutch | September 2025

Two scenarios. Same brain.

Last Tuesday, I sent a text to my business partner Abbey about rescheduling our weekly check-in. Her response? “Ok.” That’s it. Just “Ok.”

Immediately, my brain went to work: She’s annoyed. I’m being flaky again. She thinks I don’t prioritize our partnership. This is probably the last straw.

Later that same day, my 16-year-old said “Ok” when I asked if he wanted to grab dinner together. Same two letters, but this time my brain celebrated: He actually wants to spend time with me! Progress! Maybe I’m not completely failing at this parenting thing.

Same word. Same brain. Two completely different stories.

The Unreliable Narrator Inside Our Heads

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of working with teams and leaders: we’re all walking around with unreliable narrators in our heads, and most of the time we don’t even know it. Our brains are meaning-making machines, constantly filling in gaps with stories that feel absolutely true in the moment but are often complete fiction.

This hit me hard when I first had this unlocked for me. Then a few  years later I was certified as a Dare To Lead™ facilitator by Bréne Brown where it became something I wanted to bring into my life and work more fully.  She shared a tool that’s become one of the most practical and immediately useful concepts I’ve ever encountered in leadership development. It’s called “The Story I Make Up,” and it’s changed not just how I lead, but how I show up in every relationship in my life.

When Stories Go Wrong

Picture this: You’re leading a project, and you find out there was a meeting about your work—and you weren’t invited. Your brain immediately gets to work:

They don’t trust my judgment. They’re probably going to reassign the project. I must have screwed something up. They think I’m not capable.

Sound familiar? We’ve all been there. And here’s the thing—once we create that story, we start looking for evidence to support it. That colleague who didn’t make eye contact in the hallway? Proof. The email that seemed a little curt? More proof. Before we know it, we’ve built an entire case based on… well, nothing concrete at all.

In one of our recent webinars, we asked participants to share the stories they’d make up in common workplace scenarios. The responses were so human and heartbreakingly common:

• • • “I’m getting fired”
    • “They don’t value my contributions”
    • “I’m not important to them”
    • “They have it out for me”

The thing is, these stories don’t just stay in our heads. They leak out. They influence how we show up, how we interact, and ultimately, how we lead.

The Two-Wake Problem

Remember that concept I wrote about before—how leaders are like boats moving through water, leaving two wakes behind them? Results is one wake, relationships is the other. Well, unchecked stories absolutely torpedo the relationship wake.

When we’re operating from our made-up stories, we create:

• • • Disconnection (I’m pulling away because “they don’t value me”)
    • Inefficiency (I’m second-guessing everything because “they don’t trust me”)
    • Cultural damage (I’m gossiping with others about “how they treat me”)
    • Conflict escalation (I’m reacting to things that aren’t even happening)

Even the most experienced and wise leaders can derail an entire team when they are acting on stories instead of reality.

The Space Between Stimulus and Response

One of our favorite quotes at AGC comes from Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Most of us are living on a treadmill with the speed cranked way past what we can handle. Stimulus hits, we react. Someone doesn’t invite us to a meeting, we spiral. A text seems short, we assume the worst. We’re reacting from story, not reality.

But what if we could create a little space? What if we could catch ourselves in the act of story-making?

The Tool That Changes Everything

Here’s the process that’s become a game-changer for me and the leaders I work with:

Step 1: Recognize and Pause

The first step is simply catching yourself. Wait, I’m telling myself a story here. Sometimes I’m seventeen steps deep into the narrative before I realize what’s happening, but that’s okay. Recognition is the beginning.

Step 2: Name the Story

This is where the magic happens. Research shows that 70% of effective leaders actually write down their stories. There’s something powerful about seeing it in black and white: The story I make up is that Abbey is annoyed with me for rescheduling and thinks I’m unreliable.

When you see it written out, it often immediately feels exaggerated.

Step 3: Challenge Your Assumptions
Ask yourself:

• • • • What else might be true here?
      • Can I move from judgment to curiosity?
      • What would it look like to assume positive intent?
      • Am I making this about me when it might not be about me at all?

Step 4: Test the Hypothesis
Sometimes the internal work is enough. But often, you need to actually check it out: “Hey Abbey, when I asked to reschedule, you seemed a bit short in your response. The story I’m making up is that you’re frustrated with me. Is there something we need to talk about?”

The Courage to Be Curious

Here’s what I love most about this tool: it requires courage, but it’s the kind of courage that builds connection instead of creating conflict. It takes guts to say, “The story I make up is…” because you’re admitting you might be wrong. You’re choosing vulnerability over being right.

But here’s what I’ve discovered—that vulnerability is precisely what creates the space for real conversation, real connection, and real solutions.

Your Turn

So here’s my challenge for you: Pay attention to your stories this week. Notice how often you’re operating from assumption rather than facts. Notice how your stories tend to lean (spoiler alert: they’re probably negative).

And then, when you catch yourself in a story that’s creating disconnection or drama, try this: The story I make up is…

You might be surprised by what you discover—both about your own patterns and about the people around you.

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If you’d like to see more tools like this in your organization—ways to build connection, reduce misunderstandings, and create space for real leadership—let’s connect! Fill out our Contact Form and we’ll get a discovery call scheduled. Hopefully in person with your favorite beverage involved.