Connection Over Perfection

Why being seen — not being flawless — is the real leadership superpower.

I may be a full grown adult but I love the children’s book The Velveteen Rabbit. I always have. I think it’s because it tackles this idea of becoming “real”.  Real is about being deeply loved and seen — even when it means becoming worn or imperfect. This children’s book so aptly describes what each of us, at our core, crave. The author Rachel Macy Stafford puts it well, 

“To be human is to be imperfect, but to connect is to be seen and accepted in that imperfection.”

Connection is the gateway to so many things – not least of these an indicator of whether we are accepted or not. 

We crave connection, not perfection.

One of the experiences we deliver at AGC is a public speaking bootcamp.  This program involves people giving mini presentations and getting real-time feedback. Without fail, people’s goal is to get up front and deliver their presentation perfectly. Say everything they wanted to say exactly the way they wanted to say it. Without fail, that never happens.

But here’s what does happen:

The presentations that feel authentic, that expose us to the humanity of the presenter, that weren’t perfect —those are the ones that leave people deeply impacted.

These are often the same presentations where the presenter usually finishes and wishes so badly they had been more polished/composed/buttoned-up. Only to hear from their evaluators that it was the opposite that made it meaningful. 

Nobody wants to listen to the “perfect” presentation.  Nobody wants to work with a “perfect” person and no one wants to be led by a “perfect” leader. Being “perfect” is BS and we all know that at our core. Perfect doesn’t exist which is why we are not drawn to that energy in others and we are definitely not inspired by that in our leaders. 

Perfection Creates Distance — Not Trust

Striving for perfection at its core is about self – it is not about others. When we are with someone striving for perfection, we lose trust because their efforts appear to be self-centered, and that doesn’t feel safe. If our people are losing trust in our care for them, we are not being an effective leader. 

There is an unknown author who penned –

“Connection begins the moment we stop trying to impress and start trying to relate.” 

The Data Doesn’t Lie: Connection Impacts Performance

Research cited in the NIH National Library of Medicine shows that when employees have strong social connections at work they are more motivated to complete assignments on time, enhancing job performance and reducing turnover.

And according to Gallup, when employees have a best friend at work they are twice as likely to be engaged in their jobs. This is a stat about connection. Friendship is all about connection. As leaders we don’t need to be best friends with our direct reports but we do need to connect with them on a personal level. 

So How Do We Lead With Connection Instead of Perfection?

Here are three things we can do to shift our focus from perfection to connection:

1. Embrace Vulnerability Over Perfection

Perfection isolates; vulnerability connects. When we present a flawless exterior, we unintentionally create distance. But when we allow ourselves to be seen—flaws and all—we build trust, inspire connection, and create space for real relationships.

How to practice it: 

• Share your mistakes and challenges openly. Instead of hiding failures, talk about what you learned from them.
• Show up as a work-in-progress. Admit when you don’t know something and invite others to contribute.
• Swap out “I need to get this perfect” for “I need to make this meaningful.”

✨ Example: Instead of trying to have the perfect answer in a team meeting, say, “I don’t know, but let’s figure it out together.” That small shift models curiosity, humility, and collaboration.

2. Replace Judgment with Curiosity

Perfection seeks control; connection seeks understanding. When we judge ourselves or others too harshly, we shut down the opportunity to learn, adapt, and build trust. Instead of fixating on what went wrong, get curious about why it happened and how to move forward.

How to practice it: 

• Catch yourself when you start judging—whether it’s yourself, a colleague, or a situation—and ask, “What else might be true here?”
• Shift from self-criticism (“I wasn’t good enough”) to self-inquiry (“What could I learn from this?”).
• Approach feedback with curiosity. Instead of defending or explaining, ask, “Can you tell me more?”

✨ Example: If a team member misses a deadline, instead of assuming they’re careless or disorganized, ask, “What got in the way?” This opens up space for connection, problem-solving, and support.

3. Focus on Presence, Not Performance

Perfection measures success by outcomes; connection values the experience. When we focus on how we appear, we miss the opportunity to fully engage. True connection happens when we are present, listening, and open to the moment—not when we’re trying to perform flawlessly.

How to practice it: 

• Stop mentally rehearsing your response while someone else is talking—just listen.
• Instead of worrying about saying the “right” thing, ask yourself, “How can I be fully present right now?”
• Let go of the pressure to be impressive and focus on being immersed in the conversation.

✨ Example: In a tough conversation, instead of preparing a defense in your head while the other person is speaking, slow down, listen fully, and respond from a place of connection rather than performance.

As leaders it can feel like we need to have all our sh*t together and therefore feel deeply counter intuitive to move from a pursuit of perfection to connection. But if we want to be great leaders – we need to be imperfect ones. 

“Stop trying to ‘fix’ yourself; you’re not broken. You are perfectly imperfect, and powerful beyond measure.” – Steve Maraboli

Tired of chasing perfection?

Yeah, us too. It’s exhausting — and honestly, it doesn’t work.

At AG Collaborative, we believe the best leaders are real, not perfect. We help individuals and teams drop the performance, build true connection, and lead with authenticity. Whether it’s through our Public Speaking Bootcamp, leadership development programs, or custom workshops — we’re here to help you embrace your imperfect, powerful self.

Let’s build a culture of connection together. Check out our programs or reach out — we’d love to partner with you.