Breaking the Ice for Deeper Connections

Reimagining “Icebreakers” for Lasting Impact

by Chrissy Heyne | September 2024

For as long as I can remember, in every job I’ve had, I get voluntold to be on “icebreaker” duty for meetings, conferences, and retreats. I get some version of this email: “Hey Chrissy – we have an upcoming stepback next week, can you come up with an icebreaker for all of us?”

Imagine my surprise, when 3 weeks into my job at AGC we planned out the blogs for the year (yes, our marketing team is that good!) and I see my name next to a blog about ICEBREAKERS.

Could I make this up??? What is it about me that screams ICEBREAKERS!?

Lucky for me, I had an amazing co-worker years ago (in the middle of one of my icebreaker temper tantrums) help me shift my thinking a little bit. She basically explained, “Chrissy, we just want to start this retreat with connection, and we can’t think of anyone else who can do that better than you.”

Nothing helps me listen better than words of affirmation! So whether she meant that or not, it did get me out of a temper tantrum and shift my thinking on the point of “icebreakers”. That said, let’s officially get rid of the term “icebreaker” (cringe) and start calling it a point of connection.

Connection before Content

I love the way that organizational designer Peter Block articulates this idea. He says, “We must establish a personal connection with each other. Connection before content. Without relatedness, no work can occur.”  In my 15 years of management experience, 100% of which was done virtually (#trendsetter), I managed people from LA to NYC, and I feel really proud of my teams’ ability to create strong relationships and culture while doing exceptional work. I really credit Peter Block for orienting me to lead with connection. He coined the term, “connection before content” and it influenced the way I led my team and the way I designed and facilitated experiences for participants. He maps out 3 key ingredients:

• • • Connect people to each other: We are all people first, and knowing each other and feeling connected is a primary need. Don’t underestimate the power of connecting the people in the room.
    • Connect to the purpose of the meeting or event: This is the ingredient that is most often missed, which isn’t the worst thing in the world. But when it’s possible and where it makes sense, create a point of connection that aligns to the meeting or event (i.e. for a session on feedback – “when is a time that you received really useful feedback? Why was it useful?”)
    • Create choice for authenticity and vulnerability: We can’t dictate exactly how authentic or vulnerable every person in the room will be, but we can create opportunities that allow people to do both (and allow them to decide for themselves!)

These three ingredients can be a useful north star for where to start when thinking about how to create connection. Let’s take a look at some strategies for hitting on some of them!

Connection Strategies

Meeting Rituals

At AGC, we start every Monday morning meeting with “weekend highlights”. Each person goes around our small team and shares something meaningful from their weekend. This allows us to connect to each other, and it also creates choice for authenticity and vulnerability (you get to decide what you share and how deep you go). And week over week, I’ve built connections with my team.  As a result, it’s how I now know that Vanessa loves the moon (and how I stay cool with all the T-swift updates and Chapell Roan dances), how Kari loves to be in nature with her son, and how meaningful Abigail’s family lake house is in creating special memories. We connect, purposefully. And a question as simple as “what’s a weekend highlight” is all it took (and preserving the time to do it week over week). You can rotate different questions in and out, or keep it consistent – but either way, make space for time to connect regularly.

Fun Questions

This is the most “icebreaker-y” I’m going to get in this blog, but a straight up “fun question” does do the job sometimes in just creating space for connection. A quick google search on “icebreaker questions” should do the trick, but I also really love all the stuff Chris Littlefield puts out on connection for content (if you’re a true facilitation nerd, check out his youtube channel for some really great videos). But most importantly, he has some “we connect cards” (including great free resources -if you do nothing else from this blog take a look at some of these fun/free questions!) with some fun questions that really hit on connection. Things ranging from:

• • • What food is overrated?
    • What’s been the highlight of your week so far?
    • What books on your shelf are begging to be read?
    • What is something kind someone has done for you recently?
    • What are people usually surprised to learn about you?

As you can see, these questions have some range… but they ALL offer an opportunity to connect with an option to get vulnerable (or not), tell a story (or not), and get to know each other just a little better (not an option here!). It’s basic, but important… do it!

Content Activities

There are some pretty simple ways to use “icebreakers” to connect to content, while also giving people an opportunity to connect with one another and a choice for vulnerability/authenticity. Here’s a few examples of how we do it in our AG training:

Create a Metaphor

In our Leading Through Change sessions, we start with an icebreaker activity that gets right to the heart of the content (spoiler alert). We ask participants to create the following metaphor: “Change is like ______ because ________”. We get the coolest answers, and hearing people explain their rationale is where they connect and have choice to share more (or not) about the depth behind their metaphor. It’s simple, it’s fun, and it’s a way to get insight.

“One Word”

A simple one is, “What’s one word that comes to mind when you hear the word ______”. The word can be anything the meeting is about: strategic planning, feedback, performance reviews, etc. It sounds almost too easy to be good, but we promise you’ll get both funny responses and deep responses, which allows you to get into the content in a fun and personalized way!

Keep it Regular

If you take an audit of your week with your team – how many opportunities are there for connection? In check-ins, in team meetings, at retreats…is there space to truly establish a personal connection before jumping into the nitty gritty of the work? There’s a decade worth of research that points toward the fact that when we are connected and related to each other, it creates all sorts of communication shortcuts and builds trust. These types of relationships won’t be built through a series of random icebreakers, but they can be built by weaving in regular points of connection throughout your organization, meeting structures, norms and systems.

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